


Watch Your Tongue

by TheGreatSporkWielder



Category: Marvel (Movies), The Avengers (2012), Thor (2011)
Genre: Bruce gets embarrassed, Established Relationship, F/M, Thor doesn't really have a filter, Tony makes innuendo again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-21
Updated: 2012-05-21
Packaged: 2017-11-05 19:08:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/410006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGreatSporkWielder/pseuds/TheGreatSporkWielder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I most certainly am <i>not</i> going to do that, because if I do, the next thing I know, you and Tony will have a conversation about <i>validating the hypotheses</i> and <i>the necessity of repeating the experiment in different environmental conditions</i> and I'll never be able to get any work done ever again."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Watch Your Tongue

**Author's Note:**

> Bruce and Darcy have TAKEN OVER MY BRAIN. OH MY GOODNESS.
> 
> Many thanks to Chaerring for reading it over and helping me figure out a title!

“Okay,” says Bruce to one of the scientists standing near his elbow, as he glances over a sheaf of papers, “uh, run the test again, and this time, put it through the centrifuge at one-and-a-half speed and add the _Aeromonas hydrophila_ just before the plasma finishes separating.” 

 

“Yes, Doctor,” says the young man, taking the papers back and scurrying back to the other side of the lab.

 

“Wow,” Darcy's voice floats into his ear, just as he places another slide onto the stage of the microscope in front of him. “Can you do that to me one of these days?”

 

Bruce turns to look at her, peering up at her over the rims of his glasses, which are perched precariously on the edge of his nose. “Do what?” he asks quizzically. “Put you under a microscope?”

 

“If you want,” she replies, leaning down and looping her arms around him from behind, pressing her cheek to his, “but I was thinking more along the lines of you whispering all kinds of genius science-y stuff in my ear.”

 

“Oh, no,” Bruce shakes his head emphatically as he pulls out of her embrace and scoots his stool back so he can face her. “I most certainly am _not_ going to do that, because if I do, the next thing I know, you and Tony will have a conversation about _validating the hypotheses_ and _the necessity of repeating the experiment in different environmental conditions_ and I'll never be able to get any work done ever again _._ It's bad enough that I can't ask for a Bunsen burner anymore without my assistants giggling like idiots. _”_

 

“Oh, come on, that only happened once. It won't happen again.” 

 

Bruce doesn't deign  _that_ ridiculous statement with a reply. 

 

“Not even any long words with, like, five syllables?” she wheedles. 

 

He quirks an eyebrow at her. “From here on in, I am completely monosyllabic.”

 

She sighs happily and slides onto his lap, her fingers reaching up to toy with the hair at the nape of his neck. “God, that's sexy.”

 

He stares at her disbelievingly as he loops his arms loosely around her waist. “Sexy?”

 

She nods. “Hell, yes. Why have I never gone for geeky guys before? I think you could recite the periodic table and I'd think it was hot.”

 

The corners of his lips turn up. “Hydrogen,” he begins dryly. “It  is the lightest element and its monatomic form is the  most abundant  chemical substance, constituting roughly seventy-five percent of the Universe's  baryonic  mass. It is represented by the letter H--”

 

“Oh, fuck, stop,” Darcy groans, pressing her forehead to his, “or I swear, I will have you on this table right now, in front of God and your snickering lab techs and everybody.” 

 

Bruce laughs a little, even as he feels a blush starting to creep up his neck. “It's never quite gotten  _that_ reaction before.” 

 

“Good,” she replies, kissing his nose. “Then I don't have to worry about some ho lying in her bed somewhere, wishing you were there to tell her about the properties of unobtanium or something.” 

 

“Unobtanium?” 

 

“What? It's totally a thing. It was in _Avatar._ Anyway, what are you doing tonight?”

 

“Well, we've still got a lot of tests to run,” Bruce says. “So, I'll probably be here until pretty late.”

 

“Could I help?” 

 

“I hope I'm not interrupting,” Tony says from the doorway before Bruce can reply. 

 

“Oh, great,” Bruce mutters as Darcy turns to face Tony. Upon seeing him, she gets a gleam in her eye that makes Bruce wonder if she's trying to figure out how deeply she can make him blush before his face literally catches on fire.

 

“Oh, no,” she says cheerfully, not getting up from Bruce's lap. “We were just discussing the experiments we'll be working on tonight.”

 

Tony raises his eyebrows. “Experiments, huh? Is that what the kids are calling it these days?”

 

“Well,” says Darcy, her voice serious, but her eyes sparkling as she shoots a mischievous glance at Bruce, “as a man of science yourself, you understand the importance of making sure you--”

 

“Evaluate all the variables?” Tony finishes. 

 

“Exactly.” 

 

“Hmm,” says Tony, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. “I'd certainly be interested in the parameters you've been discussing, as well as the outcome of these studies.” 

 

Bruce just groans and buries his face in Darcy's shoulder. “I told you so,” he grumbles.

 

“Don't even start with me, big guy,” says Tony, pointing a finger at him. “You're the one who decided to take up with a gorgeous woman almost half your age, you stud. I think it's a law that I have to needle you about it at every opportunity.” 

 

“What is this needle you speak of?” Thor's voice booms as he enters the lab. “I thought a needle was a woman's instrument, friend Stark. I did not know you took part in such endeavors.” 

 

Darcy snorts.

 

“I don't,” says Tony. “Different use of the word. I'm talking about Bruce.”

 

Thor glances over at Bruce and sees Darcy, still perched on Bruce's lap. His eyes light up. “Ah! Then I suppose 'needle' means that you are complimenting the doctor on his good fortune and obvious virility.”

 

“Virility?” says Tony.

 

“Not him, too,” Bruce whispers to the ceiling. 

 

“For, of course,” Thor continues as though the other two men hadn't spoken, “a young woman such as Lady Darcy would need a man with great energy and stamina to satisfy her, yes? If she is anything like my Jane, this is true.”

 

Bruce wishes he could sink into the floor. This is just getting worse with every word. Darcy, on the other hand, appears to find it  _hilarious,_ as her shoulders are shaking from her efforts to hold in her giggles. 

 

“'Energy and stamina,' eh, doc?” says Tony, grinning, giving Bruce the once-over. “Who would've thought that underneath that lab coat--”

 

“Hey,” Darcy says, making a valiant effort to contain herself. “Never you mind what's underneath his lab coat.” 

 

“That good, huh?” 

 

“Okay, that's enough!” Bruce interjects hastily. Gently nudging Darcy off his lap, he stands and, placing a hand at the small of her back, ferries her out of the lab, grabbing Tony by the collar on the way. “I really need to get back to work.” 

 

“On that _ground-breaking research?”_ asks Tony, with a devilish grin. He ducks the swipe Bruce makes at his head and laughs his way down the hall. 

 

Thor merely nods in acknowledgment and follows Tony.

 

Bruce sighs and raises his gaze to the ceiling.

 

“Sorry.” Darcy's voice brings his eyes down to meet hers. She is glancing sheepishly up at him through her lashes. “I didn't think it would go quite that far.”

 

“It's alright,” he says, pulling her towards him by the hand still at her back and kissing her forehead gently. “But I really do have things I need to get done.”

 

“Don't work too hard,” she replies, tweaking his collar. “You need to save some of that energy and stamina for later.” 

 

“You too,” he says, sliding his hand up her back to curl around the nape of her neck. “It would certainly be disappointing if the subject was not in peak condition during the multitude of tests I plan on conducting this evening.” 

 

“Promises, promises,” she breathes. Then, with one last searing kiss and a wave at his assistants, who are watching while trying to look busy, she swans out of the lab. 

 

Bruce turns around to face the technicians, who are all gaping at him, some in amusement, others in awe, and a few with an expression as though they're wondering if Bruce has been possessed by a body-snatching alien (that was  _Steve,_ he wants to remind them, as if anyone needs a reminder of the time  Captain America had gotten up on a table in the conference room and started quoting pre-Reformation Galaxian sonnets, which were apparently the real universe's version of Vogon poetry). 

 

He clears his throat. “What?” he snaps. “Get back to work.” They scurry off to their respective tables, and Bruce returns to his microscope, satisfied by the thought that  _somebody_ remembers that he's scary. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
